Sunrise From The Sea

I dreamt of the waters

The waves bringing me the Sun

For a lifetime they

Took it away from me

The depths of darkness

Tried to shake me

But I patiently waited

And in slow motion

The sea brought you

Straight to me.

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My happy place has always been that shore where the earth and the sea meet. This place has always given me a sense of peace amidst the spoliarium when the waves crash on the shore and the water makes the sand wildly sing and dance.

One of my earliest memory as a child was when our parents took us to the beach along with my mom's sisters. I still remember a lot of things about that day - sitting on the sand, trying out my aunt's big hat and sunglasses, feeling the Sun on my back and my little toes, grabbing sand with my tiny hands and sprinkling them on my tiny legs. After that first encounter with the beach, I always wished my dad would take us to the beach every weekend. Instead, he took us to the beach once every summer and the experience was just as fun even if it wasn't frequent.

When my family migrated to California, Manhattan beach was our first trip outside of the suburb we lived in and I could never have been much happier. The water was cold unlike the Philippines. The sound of the dance between the sand and the water was still the same but the sea salt smell of the ocean was different. In the tropical islands, the smell of kelp and algaes were the norm.

Then I moved to the Bay Area. Northern California beaches were colder but that did not bother me. During the late summer, when it's less foggy on the coast, I would routinely drive along the Great Highway in San Francisco, park closer to the south of the beach, sit on my favorite rock, and watch the sunset around 8 PM. Sometimes, I would reflect on how the curve of the earth kept the eastern shores of the Philippines out of my line of sight.

For years, I watched the sunset. Although I'm still in awe each time I watch the Sun dip below the water, I dreamt of watching it rise from the waters. For years, I kept telling myself that one day, when I rise from the mud that I was drowning in, I will ride to South Carolina and watch the Sun rise from the eastern shore.

But today, it was different. My friends encouraged me to join them on their Hawaii trip and there I was, still hoping of seeing the sunrise from the water. I woke up at three in the morning, drove with a friend around the eastern shores of O'ahu, and tried to find a good spot to watch the sunrise. We primarily thought we'd hike a hill to a lighthouse and watch the sunrise from there. Instead, we went to a lookout, north of that hill, and noticed a beach somewhere below. We drove down there, treaded the black volcanic rocks next to the sandy beach, and watched as the sun rose from the sea.

It felt as if my life has come full circle even if I know I have not seen everything in this life and I have not met everyone yet. But at that moment, I thought to myself that this is how I want to spend my last few breaths on this earth.

The sand beneath my feet,

The Sun gently kissing my skin

I will wish for the ocean to overwhelm me.

All the blessings that God has given me,

All the Love that God has showered upon me,

All the mercy God so graciously gave me,

All the happiness I've felt,

All the peace I was graced with,

I will breathe them all in.

All the anxiety I've felt,

All the frustrations I shared with humans,

All the traumas I never thought were there,

I will breathe them all out.

Breathe in all the beautiful memories I've created with people. Breathe out all the worries of this world. Breathe in one last time and thank God for giving me a purpose. Then slowly breathe out one last time with a grateful heart that I was given a chance to live my purpose.

What a wonderful way to die.

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