Unrequited Love (Gravity. Force. Love.)

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Gravity. You pull me into you and I succumb. Force. It makes me weak. And wherever it leads me, I can't fight it. It just takes me there. Love. Your entire being; I love.

Your attention makes me weak. Your command makes me follow. Your smile makes me weak. Your voice makes me mellow. No, your voice agitates me. I feel nervous. Your presence makes me nervous. But when you pull me towards you, the force makes me weak and I come to you. I follow you.

A blanket of lies; I know this so well. Gravity pulls me to you but Force pushes me away like the powerless sand thrown around by the waves, and the waves surrender to the ever-changing tide. And it's not right.

My eyes. My eyes don't lie. But this; this. This is not real. It's not real. It's all a dream. You hold my hand and pull my body and I follow. You look at me and smile and I surrender. Then you push me back because it's not what you want and something tells me this is what you really mean to tell me. That you don't feel the same and I should stop wasting my time.

Stop wasting my time.

And so I let you be but I can't seem to let go because your hand weaves through mine and it feels wonderful. That thing you do when you graze the back of your fingers on my skin; that intense electricity when you lean close to whisper and my shoulder rubs yours; the treble in your voice stops my breath and I drown; I drown as I get pushed and pulled by the ocean waves; this poor, fragile heart.

I love you. I say to myself, maybe if I say it out loud you'll hold no power over me and just before my breath spilled from my lips you speak out her name and it reverberates like the roar of the earth as it shakes underneath me. You make the ground shake underneath me. I love you. I try hard to stop it but it's hard to shake it off. Gravity; it keeps getting stronger and the force sweeps me off my feet. I am like this paper doll. I let the wind take over and this wind takes me to you, and this wind lets me graze your skin; then this wind violently swishes me away from you; and into the abyss.

But your hand; your hand in mine stops the force; and gravity pulls me back to you.

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If you're a hopeless romantic, you'll relate to this.

Unrequited Love. It's a dangerous game. We all know it's a stupid game and that it's worthless. We tell our friends every chance we have when they're in it. But when it comes to our own life, it's so hard to to practice what we preach.

As for me, I'm attracted to the failures. I don't understand why I try to justify their actions. I know that I shouldn't be there but I often mistake f*ckery for empathy and I justify it by saying "it's what God would do to this person." I'd tell myself that God's love pours over me and that I should give it to every human I interact with.

Listen. Don't be a fool like me. Unrequited Love is the worst place you'd ever want to be hanging out at. It's ok to give out love to others but don't hang onto false hopes that in time they would realize how valuable you are and that they will start to appreciate you more.

Don't. Just don't. They're not worth a minute of your time. They just suck out the life in you because they can feel how beautiful your energy is and they have zero; and they need that energy right now. After they suck all that energy out of you, they'll move to another space where they can suck more good energy in, leaving you drained and alone.

You can really find a hundred more things to do with your time than spend a minute drowning in that pool of sorrow. Start appreciating your own value and hone the skills you need. Be a plant mom. Take up voice lessons. Start a poetry blog. Practice public speaking. Take a refresher of that college Intro to Communications class. Read a novel even if you don't understand exactly what's happening in the story. Buy yourself flowers; a new yoga mat; maybe that damn good ice cream. The more you appreciate you, the happier you become; and the easier it is to create your own gravity and attract the right people to surround yourself with.

Yes. Be that Jupiter.

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